The Month of righteousness and improving relationships
الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على سيد المرسلين وعلى آله وأصحابه أجمعين
Brothers and sisters! The topic of tonight’s reflection is about Ramadan being the month of righteousness and improving relationships.
Fasting brings about a softening of the heart and a humbling of the self. It increases a person in mercy and compassion. For the fasting persons, the people most deserving of their mercy and goodness are their own family members and relatives. Ramadan reminds the Muslims of their relatives. Thus they should visit them, contact them, and show love to them.
Maintaining the bonds of kinship enjoys extraordinary importance in Islam. On the other hand, cutting off family ties can lead one to a disastrous end. Due to the importance Islam has accorded to maintaining family ties, the rewards and benefits of doing so are indeed great. Similarly, neglect and severing family ties can have terrible consequences on a person’s life.
Maintaining contact with one’s relatives is one of the best deeds and greatest demonstrations of righteousness. Examples of maintaining contact and promoting good feelings is to occasionally enquire about their wellbeing, if they are ill, visit them, attend family gatherings and assist them in their challenging moments.
To cut off ties of kinship is a major sin. A hadith tells us: “No one who cuts the ties of kinship will enter paradise.” Also the Prophet (S) said,
الرَّحِمُ مُعَلَّقَةٌ بِالْعَرْشِ تَقُولُ مَنْ وَصَلَنِي وَصَلَهُ اللهُ، وَمَنْ قَطَعَنِي قَطَعَهُ اللهُ
“The bond of relationship is suspending from the Throne, and says: ‘He who keeps good relations with me, Allah will keep connection with him, but whosoever severs relations with me, Allah will sever connection with him“.
Allah (SWT) has cursed the person who cuts of family ties.
وَالَّذِينَ يَنْقُضُونَ عَهْدَ اللَّهِ مِنْ بَعْدِ مِيثَاقِهِ وَيَقْطَعُونَ مَا أَمَرَ اللَّهُ بِهِ أَنْ يُوصَلَ وَيُفْسِدُونَ فِي الْأَرْضِ أُولَئِكَ لَهُمُ اللَّعْنَةُ وَلَهُمْ سُوءُ الدَّارِ
“And those who break the covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e. they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives) and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse, and for them is the evil abode. (i.e. Hell)” [Ar-Rad 13:25]
Maintaining family ties is to keep in touch and associate with family members in a way that nurses their feelings. Islam has placed tremendous emphasis on the establishment, maintenance and preservation of family kinship. Various Qur’anic verses and Ahadith instruct Muslims to be kind, merciful, affectionate and caring towards parents and relatives. Although almost all religions advocate maintenance of family ties, Islam has taken it to unprecedented heights.
A Muslim is commanded to be kind even to his non-Muslim relatives. Similarly, he is required to be kind to those relatives who are unpleasant or harsh towards him.
The Prophet (S) also said, “The one who maintains relations is not he who reciprocates but it is he who contacts those who sever ties with him.” With the exception of a few, the majority of the Prophet’s relatives were among his enemies. They expelled him from his home, denied him of his rights, and waged war against him. Yet when Allah granted him victory over them, the Prophet (S) granted them a pardon that was unparalleled at the time.
The Shariah has emphasized the maintaining family ties and warned against breaking family ties. Allah says:
وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ
“…And fear Allah through whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut) family ties.” (an-Nisa’, 4:1)
وَآتِ ذَا الْقُرْبَى حَقَّهُ وَالْمِسْكِينَ
“And give to the relative his due and to the poor” (al-Isra’, 17:26) The Prophet (S) said:
«مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ، وَيُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ، فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ»
“He who desires ample provisions and his life to be prolonged, should maintain good ties with his blood relations.”
Individual Muslims must strengthen the bond of love and affection among their own families. The family is the building block of society. Only when a husband and wife find mutual cooperation between each other can they carry out the roles delegated to them. If they cooperate, then they will raise their children in the correct manner, and those children will then become good citizens in the Muslim community and the entire society.
Also, charity given to relatives also strengthens the bonds of love and trust within the family unit by preserving the dignity of its members. The first and foremost in the list of worthy recipients who deserve to be given from our wealth are our close relatives. The Prophet (S) said, “Sadaqah given to a poor person is an ordinary sadaqah, but sadaqah given to a relative serves two purposes: one as a sadaqah and secondly, an act of upholding family kinship.” He also said, “Whosever desires to have expansion in his sustenance and a prolonged life, should treat his relatives with kindness.”
We are living in an era when it is very common to hear “I have no time” or “I am too busy.” Muslims are duty bound to keep close contact with relatives and even visit them as much as practically possible. Relatives should be visited solely for the pleasure of Allah (SWT) and to create and maintain love and understanding within the family.
Assisting one’s relatives carries two rewards; one reward for assisting and one reward for bonding family ties. These noble qualities will also be a practical means of guidance for the children. In this way family relationships are strengthened and
can be maintained for generations.
Giving gifts to relatives is also an effective method of generating love between people. The Prophet (S) said, “Exchange gifts with one another, you will create love and goodwill amongst yourselves.” Rasulullah (S) has also urged Muslims to spread the greetings of salam. Those who initiate salaam are protected from pride and haughtiness.
Fasting is perhaps the greatest school for learning righteousness and preserving contact with relatives.
أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ وَلِسَائِرِ المُسْلِمينَ وَالمُسْلِمَاتْ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهْ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
وَصَلَّ اللهُ عَلَى خيرِ خَلقِهِ مُحمَّدٍ وعَلَى آلِه وأصْحَابِه أجْمَعِين- بِرَحْمَتِكَ يا أرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِين
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Some passages have been excerpted and paraphrased from the book “Thirty Lessons for Those Who Fast” by Aa’id Abdullah al-Qarni.
